how can i go forward if i don't know which way i'm facing?

Well, it seems the waiting is over. Once again, I've been at the mercy of circumstance, and I've had to maintain a very yogic philosophy in order to deal. I've been repeating 'just be present' over and over. And so I'm taking the situation I've been thrown into (again), 'losing' my job [where has it gone?] and decided to start the transition early. On Thursday, Dec. 1st, I'll pack up my lovely home. Christmas will come soon enough, and that long plane ride just around the corner.

But for now the concern is leaving all that has been my life for just over 4 years. I've lived at 33 Granby from Sept. 2001 to Dec. 2005. In the span of my entire life, it will be a short period but it has been such a good run I can't help but be wistful on my last couple nights in my Toronto cocoon. It's just plain home and I will miss it dearly. But I've been meditating on the shift that is happening. Switching from a safe and stable place I feel I can own, to a nomadic, free spirit, carrying all I need on my back and in my heart. I know it all sounds very cheesy but what else can I say? It's truly how I feel and if one can't say these things that are very real, how will one ever relate to others, especially in foreign places?

So, I'm cherishing these last comfortable days and nights, basking in memories. Cara, Christian, Eliisa, Jeff, Elena, Sean, Steven, Sarah, Suzanne, Greta, Joey, Angie and everyone that came along with each of these who played a big part in this phase of my life... I'm thinking of you all... I have great works of art in my mind capturing the times we've had - and yeah, I'm getting really sentimental now, but again, if you can't at pivotal events in your life... when can you?

I'm really going to miss my garden and the countless parties.

so tired, tired of waiting...

This is my first entry. I don't have much to say at this point, except the purpose for this journal is to document things, just anything things, random things I find interesting along the way and to keep in some form of contact with all of you lovely people wherever you may be. I guess by writing some shite and sending it into this ethereal terrain, it feels like there is some kind of meaning to it all. Whether or not anyone reads it. And from this point, I couldn't pinpoint any specific meaning to this trip. But we'll see what bubbles up to the surface. Hope this (the blogg) is as rewarding a sail as I hope the next few years of my life are.

welcome to the suck...